How to Kiss a Girl

Photo of man and woman facing each other on the verge of kissing


A lot is going on when you lock lips with someone else and swap spit. Better known as kissing, this act can be a simple smooch to your mother or child or a rather passionate act, the kind that inspires poems, songs, novels, and even murders. People usually kiss when they like each other, and they’re sometimes in love, although many like to do it when they're drunk or confused.

Ok, but what exactly gave us the idea and made us so willing to put our mouths together to show that we like someone a lot? Did we learn it? Or, Is it instinctual? Is kissing cultural? Or, does everyone in the world kiss?

Kissing experts, yes, there’s such a thing, are still debating why humans kiss, despite their many decades of research. They’re where they started and say it’s either an innate, subconscious move encoded in our genes or a human invention.

Sheril Kirshenbaum, the author of The Science of Kissing, says that humans seem to have an instinctive drive to connect with others this way but are also influenced by culture and personal experiences. She adds that a mere touch with the lips can signify love, sexual desire, reverence, or something as simple as a greeting. In any case, it’s a bonding ritual loaded with history.

Other mammals show similar displays of affection — you’ve probably seen them nuzzling, face-licking, and other kissing-like behaviors. However, we’re the only species that lock lips for affection. Bonobos and chimps also kiss, but it doesn’t seem to be for this purpose.

Nursing and kissing require using the mouth’s orbicularis oris muscle, and your body releases oxytocin with both. Thus, it seems we’re wired to kiss from the moment we’re born, and both feel good after all. Your lips have lots of nerve endings, which are way more sensitive than your fingertips.

French kissing can help support a weak sense of smell to help you select the most “evolutionarily advantageous” mate for you. The swapping of bacteria strengthens your immune system and increases your ability to withstand harmful pathogens. Furthermore, being aroused lessens your feelings of disgust, the same that you need to be able to conduct such an act that puts you at risk of contracting a disease from another person.

How to Kiss a Girl

Ok, let’s begin by saying that the production rate of your saliva increases when you swap spit, as it’s another way in which humans emit sex-related hormones. It also increases the endorphins and dopamine levels in your central nervous system.

It doesn’t matter if this is your first time wanting to kiss or you're just doing some research to improve your skills, and you’re here because you’re wondering how to kiss a girl. So, stick around as we’re about to give you some tricks and advice on this subject. Let’s get started with flirting, as doing it right will lead to kissing, and it could be your only chance to sweep that girl off her feet.

Man and woman about to kiss

Ways to Flirt

Learning how to flirt doesn’t require special techniques or moves. It should come naturally to you when you come across someone you’d like to make babies with (even if you don’t want to make babies with them). Flirting should be fun and have elements of a real connection and playfulness and surprise.

If you're wondering how to get better at flirting, you first need to understand what flirting is and why we do it in the first place. It'll be easier to understand how to flirt in a way that truly feels natural for you.

For instance, always be yourself. Trying to adopt another personality will only backfire. Also, be willing to make the first move but be casual about it. Please pay attention to her body language. A thoughtful compliment is a great conversation starter, so pick something you like about the woman you want to hit on and say it. Then, pay attention to how they respond and be ready to walk away if you don’t get a broad smile.

man and woman laughing in a cafe

Where Do You Put Your Hands?

See if she welcomes your touch by trying to hold her hand or wrapping your arm around her. You could also casually brush your hand against hers and see if she opens her fingers for you to hold her hand. Alternatively, lean against her and hug her if she doesn’t shy away.

You could also brush her hair back, but this is a riskier move as she might think you’re trying to kiss her and turn away. It doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t want to be kissed, and she might be nervous, so you’ll have to follow your gut on this one. Trying to hold her hand or wrap your arm around her is less risky but choose the one you’re most confident in. The worst thing she can say is, “I like you as a friend.” It isn’t entirely bad, and you now have a shopping buddy.

According to Connell Barrett, a well-known dating coach, you must pay attention to the window of opportunity that could open at different moments. For example, is the woman you want to kiss making deep eye contact with you? Is she leaning close to you and matching your body language? Kiss her right then if so.

You could always ask if you can kiss her instead of trying to steal one. How do you ask? Be direct and say something like, "Can I kiss you?" or, "I’d love nothing more than to kiss you right now," or, "You’re so cute I could eat you up right now." There’s always a chance she’ll kiss you first, so face her and let her!

couple walking in a grass field with arms around each other's waist

Tongue or No Tongue?

Beginning a kiss by shoving your tongue down her throat is a terrible idea, and most women will freak out even if they like you. Instead, relax your lips and keep your facial muscles flexible and relaxed. Keep your mouth closed but relaxed, and don’t pucker unless you want to kiss her on the cheek and are ready to be in the friend zone.

Lean in closer; turn your head a little; pay attention to how she’s angling her head as you get closer. Then, tilt your head in the opposite direction once you're close enough. It’ll keep you from squishing her nose with yours as you kiss.

You want to do it as smoothly as possible, so lean in with your whole body. Please don’t stick your head out like you’re scared of her, and don’t turn your head so far that your lips end up perpendicular.

Smile and slowly close your eyes when you’re about to lock lips. Doing so means you’re comfortable. You’ll want to keep them closed throughout the kiss to be present in the moment. Also, keeping them open while you kiss her seems creepy.

man and woman tongue kissing

Lock lips for a few seconds without pushing or shoving your nose into her face, and apply light pressure as you pull her closer. Then, move back with your lips still on hers to give her a chance to adjust her position. Move your hands around her back and lean into her to pull her closer. And again, don’t shove your tongue down her throat. Keep it behind your teeth.

How Do You Make the Kiss As Memorable and Enjoyable for Her As Possible?

Ok, so you’ve broken the barrier and kissed her. Let go for a moment, just enough to read her body language. Is she leaning towards you? Kiss her again. In turn, her leaning back means she’s done kissing you at the moment. Again, please don’t take this as a sign that she doesn’t like you, but don’t try to pressure her into doing it again. Instead, continue to smile and talk about whatever you were talking about before you kissed. It’ll make you seem confident and, you know what? Women are suckers for confident men.

Build up to the next kiss by letting the tension build. Maintain eye contact and lean towards her if you’re standing or sitting next to each other. Please pay attention to her body language. Is she speaking softer? Is she making eye contact and looking at your lips now and then? Is she biting or wetting her lips?

biracial couple about to kiss

Tension is fun, so lean into her cheek and give her a quick kiss. Does it feel comfortable? It is an excellent time to begin to make out and French kiss. You want to start by running the tip of your tongue over her lower lip a few times as you lock lips again. You’ll know she wants to kiss you if she opens her mouth to let you in. Let your tongue in slowly and gently move it around her mouth once her tongue touches yours.

As we mentioned above, French kissing builds up a lot of saliva in your mouth. So, please don’t overdo it and take a break now and then. Kissing is a lot more fun after you breathe. To give your neck a break, you might want to alternate the side your head is leaning on from kiss to kiss.

Things to Keep in Mind When Kissing a Girl

Before you do anything else, get a woman’s consent before you even look at her. Does she even want to talk to you? Please don’t make a move to kiss her unless she’s interested in you and wants to kiss you back. Furthermore, always be respectful and know when to stop even if she kisses you and changes her mind.

Begin slowly, a fast and aggressive makeout session can be fun, but it isn’t the norm, so don’t go there unless you’re pretty sure it's what the woman you're with wants. Keep your lips apart, and your mouth relaxed. Let the first kiss be slow and gentle. Find your rhythms and see where the kiss takes you both.

When you’re ready for a longer makeout session, use varying degrees of pressure to pick up speed gradually. Shift between lips and move from top to bottom; give the latter a little nibble or tug.

Then, try moving your kisses away from her lips, "walk” them towards the spot behind her ears, and then move on to her neck and collarbone. The back of the neck is quite sensitive, so definitely go there. You can kiss your way to bed if you get lucky.

man holding man's chin about to kiss

French Kissing

A French kiss, also known as a tongue kiss or making out, is one in which two people use their tongues to stimulate each other’s mouths for mutual sexual pleasure. This kind of tongue kissing is fun and a great way to stimulate your erogenous zones mutually. Whether you’re a first-time kisser or an expert, there are some basic things you need to know before you pucker up.

Kissing with your tongue is much more stimulating than kissing without it and dramatically contributes to sexual arousal. Did you know the term French kiss originated in English-speaking countries in the 1900s? They believed French culture was more open to adventurous sexual practices.

Before French kissing, the first thing you must do is make sure your breath is pleasant, as you don’t want it to become a distraction. Thus, skip onions and garlic during that first dinner and brush your teeth afterward if you can. Opt for a breath mint if you have no toothbrush. Note that most of the garnish in dishes served at restaurants is for this purpose. So chew some of that parsley, mint, tarragon, or basil on your plate. Carrots, apples, and other hard fruits and vegetables are also great for this purpose, and so is lemon juice.

Furthermore, soft lips are sensuous so apply lip balm often and remember, French kissing is a sensual activity, and you shouldn’t rush it. Thus, take your time to enjoy the moment before moving on to something else. Also, you want to have fun, so don’t take yourself too seriously. Just relax and be aware that nobody was born knowing how to tongue kiss. So, build up pleasure and intimacy by being willing to laugh at anything awkward.

How to French Kiss

Firstly, French kissing takes a little longer than a standard peck, so choose a comfortable private setting. Then, face your partner and place your eyes at the same level as theirs; make eye contact to connect. Glance at their lips from time to time, and you’ll know they’re interested if they return the flirty glance or smile or start to lean in or all of the above.

Ok, so your prospective lover seems to be interested. It is a good time to lean in and tilt your head so that your noses won’t bump together. Don’t worry if you accidentally tilt your heads in the same direction. Just redirect yours to the opposite one.

Begin with a few soft kisses on the cheek or mouth, and then press your lips to theirs. Alternate between light lip brushes with a closed mouth and more pronounced kisses with an open mouth. You can keep your hands by your sides but use them to stroke their hair and face. You can then begin to touch other areas of her body with her consent as you continue to kiss her.

Then, begin the French kiss by lightly brushing your tongue along their lips, a move she'll use to allow you to move forward or stop you altogether. You'll know she's ready to continue if she extends her tongue in response but will do the opposite if she isn’t prepared.

Part your lips and gently use your tongue to stimulate her lips and tongue when she gives you the “go” signal. Then, slowly and gently run your tongue along her lips or slide it along hers and let intensity build as you match her energy and movements. You might want to hug her and let her hug you back and see where it takes you.

French kissing is fun and can lead to more intimate activities, but it doesn’t have to. Just kiss for the heck of it and go as far as you both want.

The best part about kissing is there’s always room for further exploration, and you can always learn something new, even if you think you’re pretty good at it already. In turn, don’t feel bad if you feel like you’re a bad kisser; there’s no such a thing. A person who likes you will always be willing to experiment until you find your mutual rhythm.

A kiss between two people with chemistry conveys passion, affection, longing, and even love. Kissing a girl is a great way to build on the attraction and show her how you feel about her. Don’t worry about your skills, and kissing should be fun, so enjoy the process. 

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