How to Finger

Woman sticking her fingers inside a grapefruit

You meet a talking dog who tells you to stick a finger into a blender and either turn it on or one of your loved ones will die. What will you do! Well, let’s not be so dramatic, after all, sticking your finger in certain places can be fun.

Humans basically have five fingers to stick in things because we evolved from apes and they also have five fingers. (Ask them how to finger-spell mind-fucking next time you see one.) Growing a new appendage is rare in vertebrate evolution as the connections are quite complicated. In turn, losing digits is easier from an evolutionary point of view and such is the case with some animals.

Ok, but, let’s assume five fingers are better. Or, can you think of any advantages to having six, four, or three, or two, or having no fingers at all? Apes have five fingers for the same reason that early primates did. Our ancestors started with five fingers and kept them because more wasn’t an option and less just didn’t cut it.

You can go back even further than that and see that the first lobed fishes had an anatomical equivalent to fingers while the fish before them had more carpal bones. They narrowed to five in the lobe-finned fish, most likely as a way to give them the right amount of strength to walk on land. In turn, early fish had more because their job was to spread out the fins and didn’t have to bear weight.

In other words, fingers exist as we know them after a long series of adaptations. So, don’t just think of them in terms of the purpose they serve today. Evolution takes millions of years to come about and if we’re lucky, our index and middle fingers will eventually attach to each other if we continue using them for the purpose we’re about to discuss here today.

Types of Fingering

There are many types of fingering and the best technique is the one that works. It’s actually quite similar in all. For example, fingering in terms of music, also known as stopping, is the way in which you position your hand and fingers when playing musical instruments. The fingering here usually changes throughout a piece and the challenge of doing it right to make beautiful music is to make your hand movements as comfortable as possible without having to change the position and exhaust yourself.

As you can see, musical fingering can be the result of the working process of a composer who adds it to the manuscript or of an editor who adds it to the printed score, or of the performer who puts their own fingering style either in the score or in the performance.

Fingering is another term for digital sex but you may also know it as manual sex or manual stimulation. In sexual terms, fingering is actually quite similar to the musical type. Both are about artfully moving your fingers to create beautiful vibrations, be it with a musical instrument, a sex toy, or a lover. Thus, fingering in this context is about using your fingers to stimulate your genitals or those of another person as a form of mutual masturbation that’s analogous to a handjob — the manual stimulation of the penis. Thus, you may use it as a form of sexual arousal or foreplay or an entire sexual encounter.

man touching woman's leg under table

Anal Fingering and Clitoral Stimulation

You can finger a person of either gender but women seem to enjoy it most because the clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the penis. Did you know the clit is the most sensitive area for fingering? As for the vagina, it has fewer nerve endings than the vulva but certain areas do respond to touch so keep it in mind if you ever get to finger a woman.

In turn, if you’d rather finger a man, know that the anus does have as many nerve endings but many people out there actually enjoy anal finger play. This kind of foreplay isn’t limited to men though, did you know that 63.3% of women actually enjoy anal sex? Well, that’s what the Bad Girls Bible claims, anyway.

blonde woman in bed with man, covering her face with white sheets

Want To Finger Someone Really Well? Read This

You may finger solely for foreplay but this is actually the preferred method of sexual contact by some. For instance, your female lover might want to avoid pregnancy or just doesn’t enjoy doing it because she’s pregnant and would rather engage in sexual intimacy through fingering.

As you can see, fingering is a low-risk sexual activity but there are a few things to keep in mind in terms of safe practices. For instance, you can transmit sexually transmitted diseases and other infections through this kind of contact. So, wash your hands before you and your partner begin. There are finger barriers such as gloves or finger cots you can use to protect your fingers if you’d like. Note that you always want to use finger protection for anal play and discard it before touching any other areas of your body or your lover’s.

Furthermore, both the anus and the vulva are highly sensitive areas and irritate quite easily so always use lube when fingering. Also, trim and smooth your nails if you’re planning on inserting them into your lover’s vagina or anus, think good old Southern hospitality here.

How to Finger a Woman Like a Pro

Fingering is the use of fingers or hands to sexually stimulate the vulva, clitoris, and vagina overall. This kind of fingering is legally and medically referred to as digital penetration of the vagina and anus.

Furthermore, fingering is one of the simplest and most effective methods of stimulating the clitoris so it can make a woman orgasm. A study of over a thousand women in the US discovered that 18% of them could achieve one only through vaginal intercourse. However, around 37% of them said they needed clitoral stimulation to orgasm while the other 36% said it made their orgasms better.

The term G-spot is short for Grafenberg spot and is a sensitive area on the vaginal front wall. Some folks think sexual contact with this area is rather enjoyable but others don’t. In fact, there’s still a scientific debate on whether it exists at all.

Those who have actually spotted the G-spot report that you can find it around two inches inside the vagina, on the anterior front wall. All you have to do is slide your fingers in and curve them around her pubic bone (think a come hither motion). This spot is a great place to access her clitoris from inside in any case. So, you can pleasure her by rubbing her both from the inside and outside. Ok, let’s get to the techniques.

First of all, it doesn’t matter how good a fingerer you might be, your lover’s feedback is the only way to know if you’re on the right track. The clitoris is more sensitive than the vagina in terms of pleasurable responses and while vaginal stimulation can definitely contribute to orgasm, most women think it’s the most sensitive area.

Thus, rubbing your woman’s clitoris might be a good way to get her to orgasm but it doesn’t work for everyone so, again, ask her what she likes. The best use of your fingers if you want to bring her to orgasm is to rub and caress her clitoris so as to stimulate it.

There are many ways to do it, either rub up and down or side-to-side or get creative and “draw.” In fact, “writing” the alphabet with your fingers slathered in lube is a great challenge, she’ll have an orgasm before you can spell “Yes!” Always use some kind of lube as friction doesn’t feel good and will only lead to soreness.

Did you know that all women have a natural lubricant? Indeed, the best part is you can access it by lightly pressing your finger into her vagina. Take advantage of it and use it to rub her around. Go back there whenever you need more, there’s usually plenty of it for this purpose. Note that some women might experience dryness as they have a hard time getting aroused (probably your fault, you brute). Don’t worry, though, the right words and attitude will get you there. Keep a bottle of lube by your bedside in case you need it to get her going.

Furthermore, there are many ways to rub a vulva so try them all and get her to tell you what she likes the most. She’s too shy? Well, you can still find out if she’s liking it because she’ll be oohing and aahing. Anyway, try directly stimulating her clit with your finger or do so indirectly by following the edge of her clit.

Again, the key to truly satisfying a woman is to figure out what she likes. Does she like intense or light pressure? Something in between? Fast rubbing? Slow? Medium? A combination?

Long, slow stroking is a great technique, do so from the bottom of her vagina to her clit so as to cover your finger in her natural lubrication. Of course, you can vary the technique and reverse direction and also try different pressures and speeds and see how she responds.

Let’s get real, how much fun can a little finger be on its own? The more the merrier, so invite them in! Try inserting another, and another, and another … You get the picture. In this case, you want to rub four fingers over her entire external anatomy, clitoris, labia, and vagina, in a circular motion. This will make her wetter so try to catch her natural lubrication on your fingers to make it more satisfying.

man pulling down woman's underwear

Again, vary your technique to see what works. Play with the intensity and speed and remove or add fingers as you see fit.

Have you ever heard about the U Spot? Not many people have so there’s a debate on whether it exists or not. In any case, some say this is the area just above her urethra and to the sides of it and it’s definitely a good idea to rub it. Again, use plenty of lube to gently stroke it by extending your finger up to her clit and then go down on the other side and then go back.

This move doesn’t do it for every woman, so ask her if she likes it (especially if she grabs The Communist Manifesto while she waits for you to be done with whatever it is you’re doing).

Did you know her clitoris is just like your penis in that it gets all perky when aroused? It’s also as sensitive and might even hurt if you touch it directly. So, if this is the case with the woman you’re with at any given moment, rub her clitoral hood instead — the small bit of skin covering her clit, which is the counterpart of your foreskin. It works because her clitoral hood decreases the intensity of your touch and makes it more pleasurable for her.

Ok, so, you already know how sensitive her clitoris is but, do you know how far it extends inside her body? You can actually massage and even gently squeeze the base of her clit by placing your thumb and index finger on either side of it. Proceed to press down and inwards, do so gently, so that you are basically squeezing the base of it – between the folds of skin surrounding it. Ouch! Don’t squeeze the exposed part of her clit, you beast!

Let’s say it again, vary the pressure and see how she reacts; increase it or decrease it according to her feedback. Playing around with her clit between the folds of skin and just let your fingers frolic around in this warm and inviting wet park. A little jerk now and then will add to the fun.

man caressing woman in bed

Don’t hesitate to invite her labia to play. It may not be as sensitive as her clit but she loves the attention so, gently rub it up and down. You won’t believe it but the right move here could bring her close to orgasm without her climaxing. As you can see, this is great foreplay. Again, lube, lube, lube is key so, use her own natural slip-and-slide or keep a bottle nearby.

Every woman is different, so try fingering from different positions to find out which one she likes the most. Experiment and get her feedback. In fact, get her to guide your hand. It’s sexy to be willing to learn, especially from such an expert instructor of clit touching.

Internal Fingering

Start with one finger and add more if you need to, some women like four fingers and if they’re in the mood, might even enjoy your whole fist. You want to start slow and increase the intensity and let them adjust and tell you how much they want.

Always use lube and keep your hands smooth and your fingernails short and properly filed to get rid of rough edges (Just… ouch!). Wash your hands beforehand to prevent bacterial infections and also afterward. Again, pay attention to how she responds. This is pretty easy, for example, do less of it if she gets tense, pulls away, or begins to read The Communist Manifesto she keeps by her bedside.

However, you’ll know you’re in business if she begins to moan and breathes heavier and wants to get closer to you and wants you to penetrate her and… you’ll know you’ve made it when she begs you to use something more substantial than your fingers.

man sliding woman's panties down inside car

Anal Fingering

As we mentioned above, some women enjoy anal action so be sure the one you’re with is up for it and when you’re sure, try anal fingering before penetrating her with your big, strong penis (you’re welcome, fellas). Don’t worry too much if she doesn’t like it, just focus on some other fun orgasm techniques.

Be aware that anuses aren’t self-lubricating so you’ll always need to have a bottle of lube around when trying this at home. Saliva often works but it dries out too fast (seriously, the friction of dried out “lube” is enough to never want to try it again). Begin by coating your finger and the outside of her anus with some lube and then slowly insert your slick finger. Nice and steady, now. Feel all the little quivers that tight little ring makes. 

Take it slow and listen to her feedback, be it what she says or how her body reacts. Be aware that the sphincter takes a while to relax and sticking your whole finger in at once will hurt like hell (don’t roll your eyes, until you’ve had something shoved up there, you’ll never know). Instead, maintain soft pressure while allowing the sphincter to relax around your finger. You can slowly push it in and pull it out once it does. You may also want to rub her clit with your spare hand while fingering her anally for extra stimulation. Now that is something worth trying. Believe us. 

It’s very important not to touch her vagina and other parts of her body or yours after anal fingering. This is because you’ll be spreading fecal bacteria that could lead to infections like vaginosis or something even worse. It’s delicate down there (pH-wise), even if it can take one hell of a beating. Thus, always wash your hands thoroughly after any anal action, this applies to any sex toy you may use for this purpose.

Anal and Prostate Stimulation Through Fingering

Fingering your male lover is quite similar to how you’d finger a woman but there are differences, of course, so let’s see what they are. Firstly, wash properly and be sure your lover is also clean as a whistle as well before you begin to explore anal fingering. Your prostate is a gland that produces part of the fluid contained in sperm and you can definitely stimulate your lover by inserting a finger into their anus. It’s a great way to orgasm for some men.

Did you know your anus is one of the most powerful erogenous zones in your body thanks to your prostate? It’s about two inches inside your backdoor, toward your stomach. You’ll want to curl your fingers during anal fingering, in fact, there are many curved toys for this purpose out there. This is because they work better for prostate stimulation. It feels kind of like a walnut and you or your lover will know exactly what it is as soon as you find it. Shouts of surprised pleasure are to be expected. Perhaps buy the neighbors some ear plugs. 

The prostate requires gentle pressure to be pleasured and some men like on-and-off pressure from the pad of your finger. Others mainly like the feeling of pressure on their prostate during penetration or oral sex.

Woman's hand clenching bed sheets due to orgasm

Be aware that not all men like prostate play and so there are other ways to try anal fingering to them. Slowly work your way closer to his anus and rub it around; a simple in-and-out motion might be pleasurable while you’re also playing with other parts of his body with your other hand. You may want to add more fingers as your lover becomes comfortable with the sensation.

I Finger, You Finger, We All Finger Because It’s Fun!

As you can see, you can achieve so many things with the help of your fingers, be it playing an instrument, using it to point at a guilty culprit, clearing the debris inside your ears or belly button, or simply using them to finger yourself or your current lover, your willing ex-lover, or basically any other person who wants you to finger them. Finally, don’t ever, ever, ever finger anyone who won’t welcome your fingering efforts. So always, always, always ask for permission. Get their consent in writing, if possible. You may laugh, but there’s a reason Christian Grey had a contract. Finger-food for thought.  

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