Finding Your Perfect Woman: Pickup Lines and More!

Young woman and man flirting each other in cafe

Gentlemen, you're here because you're looking for love, but before you read any further, take a second to make sure your mindset is in the right place.

You approach a woman to give, not to take. In other words, don't go up to a woman and think to yourself "How will this benefit me?" but think to yourself "How can I make her smile?"

Don't make advances toward a woman by seeking her approval, just because you're bored, or looking for attention. Keep in mind that you will not get along with every single lady you find attractive and that's okay since you should be looking for someone who embraces who you really are!

With that said, it can actually be super easy to talk to women you've never met before! Approach her with authenticity and see if you pass the vibe test. If you are looking for advice on pickup strategies, self-confidence, or creating a course of action to find that special someone, you've come to the right place.

Man and woman talk at a concert


Women don't always know if they like you right away. A man can look at a woman and immediately know if he is interested in her, but with women, sometimes it's the complete opposite. Sure, a woman wants to like what she is looking at in a man, but if you ask a woman what characteristics she looks for in a potential partner, the way a guy looks is often fourth or fifth on the list. Many women list being funny, driven, charismatic, bold, and happy-go-lucky as more important than a guy's physical traits.

Keep this in mind: Let her come to you. It's going to take time!

Though this should be understood, "going all the way" shouldn't be at the forefront of your mind when talking to a woman you just met. Sure, you may find her drop-dead gorgeous, but it's all about baby steps. Consider:

  • Do we get along well?

  • Is she engaged in the conversation?

  • Is her body language suggestive?

Don't come from a place of insecurity. Women don't want a little boy — they want a man. You may have to do some work to get there, but fortunately, there are tools on how to break through the barriers of inferior feelings with women. Not only is this going to give off some serious masculine energy, but it will also give her the subconscious freedom to do the same — now that's the gift that keeps on giving!

At the end of the day, if you don't have an intimate connection with her, at least you have practiced your flirting skills and had a nice conversation with a beautiful woman.

Where To Find the Right Woman for You

This all depends on what you are looking for, but a neutral answer would be to strike up conversations with women while you're practicing a shared hobby, waiting in line for coffee, or in a laid-back environment like a bookstore.

On the other hand, bars, clubs, and parks are other great locations. While not every woman you encounter is going to instantly fall in love with you, each encounter does get you one step closer to true love. Keep your head up!

Where To Not Hit on Women

While there's not a one-size fits all answer here, keep this in mind: Try to avoid routine and high-productivity places such as grocery stores, the gym, hair salons, the post office, and, of course, the workplace. As a general rule of thumb, women don't want to be hit on at these places.


Well, for one, these are routine places. If it doesn't work out between you two, suddenly somebody has to find a whole new routine.

People go to these places to get things accomplished. Think about it: If you're at the gym sweating and panting from your workout, would you want to be hit on? Probably not. You want to do your workout. If you're at a grocery store trying to find potatoes, would you want some stranger to come up to you and say some half-baked pickup line while you're looking for food? Nope.

The same goes for women. They want you to add to their life, not take away from it.

Man looks away from phone to speak with woman with suitcase

Make Your Move

Say you are at a bar, and you see a woman that catches your eye. Look her in the eyes. If she makes eye contact with you, smile at her! And not a creepy joker smile, but a visible, inviting smile. If she smiles back, that is potentially her way of saying, "Come over and talk to me!"

However, if she quickly breaks eye contact with you and starts looking around the room unamused, well, she's just not that into you. Don't break eye contact first; she will feel your masculine strength if you hold that eye contact.

At the same time, please don't stare at her — it's weird and she will start to question if either you don't have confidence, or there's something stuck to her face. If she doesn't break eye contact, that's your time to shine!

Pickup Lines: What to Say, and How to Present Yourself

If you're the kind of guy who doesn't mind stripping his ego a little bit, pickup lines can be effective at breaking the ice.

Here are nine pickup lines that just might get you a laugh and –even better? — a phone number:

  1. I'm great at algebra because I can replace your X and you wouldn't need to know Y.

  2. You owe me a drink. [Why's that?] Because when I looked over at you, I dropped mine.

  3. Go ahead and feel my shirt. That's boyfriend material.

  4. Here I am! What are your other two wishes?

  5. I'm writing an article about the finer things in life. You interested?

  6. I would say "god bless you," but it looks like he already did!

  7. I can tell you right now, you don't need keys to drive me crazy.

  8. Do you want a raisin? No? How 'bout a date?

  9. Are your parents boxers? 'Cause, you're a knockout.

By their very nature, pickup lines are corny and unintelligent, but you are looking for that girl you can form an instant connection. It's a great jumping-off point to show her that you are a bold and carefree man.

A simple internet search offers an abundance of pickup lines. Be willing to make yourself look a little silly if it will make her laugh — now that's romance!

Regardless of whether you used a pickup line, start by asking her name. If she replies with a smile on her face and also asks your name, things are looking good. On the contrary, if she doesn't ask your name, you'll need to engage her more in the conversation.

Woman gazes into eyes of man during conversation

Ask her things like, "What's a stunning woman like you sitting alone at the bar?" or "So, what's your story?" These questions will show that you are genuine and encourage her to open up. In no time you'll have her feeling comfortable sharing things about herself with you.

Most importantly, though, engage with her. Really listen to what she's saying and ask those follow-up questions:

Of course, delivery is everything. Maintain eye contact, and ask these questions with a genuine smile on your face. Your goal here is to find a middle ground by seeking out things you may have in common or things she likes that you find interesting. Ask an array of different questions. Not only will these questions be distinct from the boring questions she's asked by other guys, but they are apropos to her.

Man and woman talk while sitting on two different benches

When you both are laughing and have reached the climax of the conversation, ask for her number — again, with a smile on your face. She will either say "yes" or some crafty way of saying "no." If that unfortunate no comes, remember this: you want a girl who is excited to be around you. Either way, make sure you let her know you enjoyed talking with her. A simple "It's been nice talking with you" will do.

Now, if you consider yourself a bold guy, this pickup tactic is smooth: If you are at a bar or a club and you see a cute group of girlfriends, grab your drink and walk over to them. Touch your glass with theirs to cheers and ask "Fun night, ladies?" Nine times out of ten the girls will say "Yes!" Say, "That's what I like to hear!" Walk away with a smile on your face and continue socializing with other people at the bar or club. Later, the group of girls is likely to come back to you and want to talk with you more. When this happens, you can almost always decide which girl holds your attention and whom you want to keep talking with.

Piece of cake.

There will be moments when you'll have an underwhelming conversation or a flat-out rude rejection by a woman. If you've been interacting with a lady and it has reached a dry point, tell her, "It's been nice talking with you." Even if you don't necessarily feel the sparks flying, always be conscious of how you are presenting yourself. Being respectful and maintaining a light-hearted mood, even in untasteful circumstances, displays a level of maturity.

And who knows? Perhaps the woman of your dreams is observing the whole situation from the next table over and is waiting for you to notice her!

More Conversation Tips

Keep first-time conversations with women short. Don't be the guy that talks her ear off and doesn't get the hint. Instead, leave her wanting more. Focus the interaction on her; don't try to move the conversation back to you. Women feel most comfortable talking about themselves when you ask the right questions (like the conversation starters above!).

For example, if she says one of her hobbies is skiing, ask her when she started doing it or what she likes about it. Women enjoy conversing about things they are passionate about.

If you feel yourself getting nervous, take the conversation back to what's happening around you. If you have finished your drink, ask her what her favorite drink is. Simple baby-step questions like that will show that you are interested in her as a human and don't just see her as eye candy.

Man and woman wave to each other in coffee shop

Don't be afraid to tease her a little, as long as it's playful. Many women love to be teased in a light-hearted way because it lets them know that you are a fun person to be around. In her eyes, you are carefree and not ego-driven. If she orders a drink that you think doesn't taste good, say "I don't know how you can drink that!" You should know this by now, but say it with a big smile on your face and muster up as much twinkle in your eye as you possibly can. She will probably laugh and say, "It's so good! It has X, Y, and Z in it!" Start creating those inside jokes between the two of you. It will give her a sense of closeness.

On the other hand, many women will "test" you to see if you are as strong as you seem to be. Bustle has a crash course article for when women do this.

Above all, the key is not to take it seriously or personally. Most of the time, you don't have to do anything to convey to her how much you like her, but rather go about your business and think to yourself "she'll be back."


“We look for someone to grow old with, while the secret is to find someone to stay a child with.” Charles Bukowski

The bulk of the information discussed in this article heavily relies on your aura. Pickup lines, catchy phrases, and questions mean nothing unless you are genuine. Here's the deal though: Women can tell pretty quickly if you aren't being your authentic self. If you don't have a genuine interest, you are wasting her time as well as yours — not to mention taking precious time away from finding that one special lady!

Woman laughs while talking to man and drinking a beer

Final Thoughts

Once you understand these principles, doors will start to open. At the end of the day, you should feel confident enough to believe you deserve the girl of your dreams; a girl who takes your breath away by just the sight of her. A woman's looks can seem intimidating at first, especially if you are new to dating, but you have to start somewhere or else you'll get nowhere.

Above all, you should be enamored by the way she thinks, her perspective on life, what she values, if she respects herself, if she respects other people, if she sees something in you most people don't even bother to discover, and if she treats you like the man you've worked so hard to become. If you're lucky enough to find that special lady in your life, the next step is keeping her in your life.

It boils down to this: Don't forget who you are as an individual. That's who she initially saw, and that's who she fell in love with. It is so important (and healthy!) to constantly remind yourself that you and your lady are two separate, complete people. You make each other's lives even better because initially, you had this rich life to bring to the table.

Don't hold each other back or suffocate each other. Love should be high-spirited and joyful — not painful.

Was this article helpful?